My experience

Hey guys,

As this is my first post on our blog, I'd first like to share an experience I had with youth involvement in Chicago gangs. To protect the identity of the program and the people I was involved with, any specific information has been removed from this story.

Two years ago, I worked as an after school tutor for high school kids on the West Side. This was through a youth center with a specific program that accepted students from various schools. I found out about this job through my boyfriend, who had already been working there for a month before I applied. I initially took the job because my work load for that semester was pretty light and I mainly just wanted the money. I hardly expected the experience to be anything like it was.

Stepping off the blue line into a West Side neighborhood was like landing in a different country. To be blunt, I stuck out like a sore thumb because of my skin color. At first, the experience was a little more than weird. All of my life I have lived in cities, so it's not like I wasn't used to seeing people of different races. That wasn't it at all. The weird part was that I was the minority in this neighborhood. I felt nervous for a while, stepping off the train and waiting for a bus. I tried my best to ignore the looks and the thick tension whenever I rode the bus to the youth center or had to walk the several blocks there because the bus was running too late. But I only ever received looks--never in the time I was there did I feel threatened, and after I while, I started to feel really comfortable. In a strange sense, at times I felt a sense of belonging.

I think this feeling was due to the relationships I formed with the students I tutored. Initially, I tutored a few kids, mostly girls who needed help with Spanish. I also helped with English (grammar, reading, writing, etc.), geography, history, and sometimes math. I was one of the 5 or 6 tutors that came every week for these kids. It took a short time for all of us to connect, but not long after I started did the atmosphere become more about friendship, if you will, than about authority. Once the kids (and by kids, I mean they were 15 or 16, so not much younger than myself at the time) figured out that I wasn't going to chew them up for not doing their homework, or give up on them for not understanding something, the ice began to melt.

It was when this happened that I really started to get to know the students. Not only did I see how truly horrendous their education had been--and I'll get to this a little later--but how many dreams they had and how few opportunities they had been given for achieving them. This after school program was essentially their main opportunity, and most of the kids were only there because they were failing at least one of their classes. What was so great about this program, though, was that it didn't focus just on getting better grades. That was, of course, the main objective, but the program also focused on introducing the kids to new activities, or what I thought of as outlets for creativity and expression. I honestly don't know much about Chicago Public Schools; I'm sure they are all different, so I don't want to make too many assumptions. However, it was safe to assume that the schools these kids belonged to did not offer any programs that would teach kids to tap dance or create videos, much like the youth center I tutored for did. Most of the kids seemed genuinely excited to be apart of this after school program because not only were they getting help for subjects that weren't clicking with them, but they got to learn cool, new things. Speakers would sometimes come and talk to the kids about certain issues--I think usually pertaining to street/gang violence--and the kids would sometimes watch documentaries. In my opinion, this program was truly a blessing because it revolved around informing the kids while letting them have fun. Perhaps more importantly, the kids had a community of friends and people to look up to (not necessarily saying the tutors, but maybe!). The administrators of the program were very supportive and served as strong, authoritative figures for these kids who may not have had that at home.

My point in this blog, though, is that in my experience at this center I met kids who were either in gangs or wanted to be someday. These kids typically did not want to be there, at least not to learn or take the extracurricular classes, but definitely to socialize. Sometimes, I would ask them to elaborate on the appeal of gangs. The answer usually had something to do with not going anywhere through school, how it was a waste of time, and how gangs held promises of prestige, friendship, and a quick path to money. Why exactly did some of these kids see gangs this way? Well, why not? I figured that if they weren't getting support from home or from school, the most "reasonable" option would be to join a gang. Who knows, maybe the kids were getting support from home--I'm pretty sure no mother wants their son to join a gang, and would rather have him stay in school to get out of a neighborhood stricken with violence. Typically, though, neighborhoods like this tend to have people of lower socioeconomic status--with this comes mothers (often single) and fathers working all the time to make ends meet, leaving the kids to their own devices. That's why this youth center exists: to get the kids off the street and doing something towards a better future.

Needless to say, I walked away from this job with mixed feelings. The semester ended so I was no longer needed at the center. In fact, at the time we weren't sure if our positions would be open again for the following semester due to funding issues. I had never expected to get attached to the students here, or to think about them well after my job ended. I learned about their desires to go to college and the dream jobs they wished to obtain through a higher education. It was a truly enlightening experience, and I was glad to meet so many bright kids that really wanted to have different lives from the ones they were born into (structure violence at its finest). However, I met kids whose lives deeply saddened me. Some of them saw no way out, or perhaps were blinded by the appeal of joining a gang, so much so that they couldn't see any other options. I think about these kids as much as I think about the ones who dreamed of college, always wondering if they're okay and not in trouble, or worse. Having this experience made me appreciate the life of privilege I was born into, but also made me realize how much needs to be changed not just in Chicago but all over the United States so more kids can be like me. I'm not saying that my way of life is the way of life, but I am saying that every kid should have the opportunities that I've had; to have access to excellent education, among other things.

To those who have made it to the end of my long, rambling post, thank you. I hope my story has made you think about your own life or any experiences you've had similar to mine. Please send me any comments or questions via this blog, email, or my facebook if you know me. I really believe this is something that we should all be talking about.

-Rachel